He Fought A Losing Battle
by omfgwtflmao
Summary: After catching Remus do something that every teenage boy does, Sirius starts to lust after him. He's trying to bury his feelings but is, inevitably, fighting a losing battle. Rated for later chapters, maybe. SLASH. RLSB. MWPP. Don't like? Don't read!
1. Awkward?

**The characters, objects, world, etc belong to Mrs Rowling.**

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He Fought A Losing Battle

Sirius quickly shut the red, velvet curtains, fully concealing the sight he just witnessed. While he may no longer be able to see said sight, he could still hear it. He was only slightly disturbed that the sounds, the moans and the groans, continued even when the owner of the noises saw that Sirius was there.

He couldn't get the image out of his mind. It frightened him that he didn't want to make them leave, that he wanted to remember the beautiful sight for the rest of his days. It confused him, also. This was Remus he was thinking about. Remus with his back arched, glistened in sweat. His hand sliding carefully, hungrily across his own scarred skin. His head was thrown back, his mouth open slightly and his eyes squeezed shut.

His eyes, squeezed so tight together, only opened when Remus heard the sound of the curtains being drew. He looked into Sirius' eyes and emitted a long groan. Sirius, embarrassed, swiftly drew the curtains.

Now here he was. Lying in bed the morning after. Thinking. Just thinking. Smooth skin with the occasional scar, protruding hip bones, lustful eyes, the length of the other boys - no. No. he wasn't going to think this about his friend. He could bury this. He was just a little freaked out that he had witnessed his apparently virginal friend masturbating. He was shocked that such a small, usually quiet boy could make such noises.

Time was passing quickly. The other boys were waking up now. Their tired eyes lazily searching for their clothes. It was the Winter. Two days after Christmas. He received a late gift in the form of newly found lust for his friend. He had no receipt so he couldn't return it. That didn't mean he wasn't going to try.

Slowly, Sirius sat up, retrieving his clothes from his trunk and proceeded to dress himself before brushing his teeth.

Later that day Remus approached Sirius with a shy smile on his face, rubbing his arm and looking at the floor. _Here it comes_ thinks Sirius. _Here it fucking comes_.

"About last night-I. It's only natural. You do it. James does it. Peter does it. Everyone does. So you interrupted me. It's no big deal. I just – I just hope you aren't entirely freaking out at the fact that I continued to- yeah. So, we're okay now, right?"

Noddling and smiling was Sirius' only reply. Remus may have been a little embarrassed at the time but he's okay now. Sirius, however, was far from okay. A battle was raging in his head as to whether or not he should be having these thoughts about his best friend. He gave up. Figuring that this was one battle he just couldn't win. He had feelings for Remus. There was nothing he could do about it.

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**Okay. So I haven't wrote for about two weeks. I may continue this. Maybe. If people review and tell me that they want me too.**

**I know that this isn't the best piece in the world. I'm sorry about that. I may still make improvements but I just felt like I needed to write something for all you lovely people.**

**You all have my love. Remember that. Always.**

**Loooove.**

**x**

**P.S. I bought green skinny jeans...wow. **


	2. Masterpiece

**I own only the plot. I don't own the characters or world, unfortunately. The belong to Mrs Rowling.**

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This wasn't something Sirius normally did. Lying in bed, just thinking. It seemed he was making a habit of doing so recently.

He closed his eyes and sighed. He knew that he hadn't just turned gay. You can't turn gay. You're born that way and have absolutely no control over it. It's not a disease or mutation. It doesn't make you a monster. Most of the other boys in school would think he was, though. If he came out.

Thinking back, Sirius figured he never really liked girls. They were just convenient. No matter how much he hated his parents there would always be aspects of his personality that would remind him he was his parents son. His upbringing felt swift and sharp, whatever his mind meant by that. He was taught that muggles, muggle-borns, half-breeds and queers were filthy creatures, not good enough for him. He spent so long suffering. So long learning to shut away the fact that all romantic feelings in him were directed at members of the same sex.

Rapidly, he began to notice all of Remus' quirks and habits. The way he would suck his pinky while thinking or flick his tongue at his wrist while reading. Sirius noticed the way his smile never reached his eyes when he was talking to anyone but the Marauders or Lily and the fact that he tugged his tawny locks when distressed. Sirius realised that he had been noticing a lot about the small boy and thought that maybe, just _maybe_ he was falling for him.

Sirius, of course, had no idea what love felt like so maybe the sweaty palms and 200-miles-per-hour heart and the bubbling stomach were all just caused by that curry he had last night. Although, when he was still suffering from the same symptoms two weeks later and the school nurse said there was nothing wrong with him, he knew. He knew he was in love with Remus. It hurt. A lot.

It hurt knowing that his feelings could never be returned. It hurt wanting something this bad and not being able to have it. It hurt. It always would hurt, unless Remus somehow returned his feelings.

He also loved the feeling of being in love. It reminded him of summer. It reminded him of the feelings he would get when he was riding his bike, shirtless. Trying to catch a tan. Racing James to the lake, always losing by just a step. Love looked to him like a huge, perfect, wonderful colourful explosion. Pinks and blues and reds and purples all in one big mess of creativity. Standing alone but causing something like awe in anyone who was lucky enough to see it. Love was a masterpiece.

It was with thoughts of this imaginary masterpiece, this fantastic and fake artwork that he bought marker pens, pink, blue, red and purple, and asked Remus if he could draw on him. Remus, never one to decline one of Sirius' outlandish requests, agreed.

Sirius ordered Remus to take off his shirt and roll over, so he was on his stomach. The werewolf kindly obliged. Sirius, lightly, drew the pattern in his head onto the peaches-and-cream skinned young man. He filled the outlines with colour, trying to do the artwork justice, but failing.

"I should re-do it. Turn over", ordered Sirius, hands lying flat on Remus' back.

Sirius kept his hands on the werewolf, hypnotised by the feel of the skin moving under his hands. He realised with a faint blush that his hands were pressed firmly just above his friends crotch. He moved them, reluctantly, and began to recreate the colours in his mind.

Two hours. Two hours Remus had lay there. Two hours that Sirius had been allowed to touch the other boy. He wouldn't lie to himself. It turned him on that Remus had allowed him to touch and mark his skin so much.

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**Second chapter. Like it? Hate it?**

**I hope you don't hate it.**

**Sorry about the delay. My internet hasn't been working for the last two days so I was unable to post this.**

**I fixed it though...I'm cool like that. Hehe.**

**Love.**

**x**


	3. Shower!

**JK Rowling owns the characters and world, people. It's true.**

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It took three days of scrubbing to get the ink off. On the first day Remus managed to rid himself of the pattern on his stomach and chest. The second day was spent trying to reach his back to wash the ink off, he was, however, failing miserably. This is why on the third day he had no choice but ask Sirius to step into the shower and wash his back for him.

It was small. Tiny. One could get claustrophobic in such a minuscule space. Remus took off his clothing, minus his boxers and stepped into the shower. He began to hum to himself for a few seconds before turning to Sirius, looking him up and down and saying, "Come on. You marked me. You have to get rid of it. Take off your clothes. It's stupid going into a shower with clothes on", and that was that.

Sirius slowly stripped and stepped into the hot stream of water. His hands were shaking as he picked up a sponge and lathered it with soap. He swiped it across Remus' shoulders, erasing the colours. Soon his hand started moving lower. He was becoming more comfortable with the situation and rested his unused hand on the smaller boys protruding hip. He began casually drawing shapes in the lather, stars, moons, hearts, letters, words, circles.

His hand moved lower, gripping the sponge, moving it in circles just above the waistband of Remus' boxers. The design, he knew, went slightly lower than where Remus' boxers lay.

Sirius coughed, unsure of himself. He coughed a second time before informing Remus that his boxers covered more of the ink, therefore he couldn't get it all.

With a dull thud Remus' boxers fell to the floor, leaving nothing to the imagination. Sirius was having a hard time breathing and was sure nothing good could come of this.

"Bend over", muttered Sirius, blushing at how sexual that request could have been taken. Apparently Remus also noticed the second meaning as he chuckled quietly before bending over.

"Wow, Siri, this is a tad forward", joked Remus, causing Sirius' cheeks to burn.

"Shut up you filthy werewolf, you", giggled Sirius before he began finishing his job.

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"Well, looks like you two had a good time in there", laughed James as soon as he saw his two friends exiting the bathroom together, soaking wet in nothing but their underwear.

Sirius ignored him as he dried off and Remus informed him that they did, in fact, have a good time in there, making Sirius choke slightly.

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**It's short and terrible. Currently suffering from writers block.**

**Sorry.**

**I just needed to get past that last chapter.**

**Oh well.**

**It'll get better. I promise.**

**Love.**

**x**


	4. Talking

**JK Rowling owns the characters, world, etc.**

**I own nothing.**

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"You like him."

"No I don't."

"You do. I can see it in your eyes, when you look at him, the way you touch him. The signs are all there", James smiled smugly as Sirius placed his head in his hands and groaned. He didn't want to deal with this right now.

"Shut up James. Just shut the hell up!"

"Not until you admit it, mate."

Sirius was very close to murdering his best friend. However, he knew he couldn't deny it any longer. James knew him far to well. "Fine. I love him. Okay? I don't know why but I do. Fuck."

James smiled silently then stood up and ran out of the door, giggling all the way and leaving Sirius to wonder what exactly that boy was taking and where the hell he could get some.

Sighing, Sirius stood up and began to walk out of the door in search for his beloved lycanthrope friend. The first place he thought to look was the library, however he realised he didn't have to walk far as Remus was sleeping in a large, comfortable chair in front of the fire in the common room, drool dripping from his mouth. Sirius was starting to feel slightly disturbed that all he wanted to do was take a picture so that he could forever 'aww' over it.

He sat gently at Remus' side and shook him awake. He had to admit, Remus was awfully adorable when he first woke.

"What's up, Siri?", asked Remus.

"I'm really confused. I need your help".

At this Remus perked up and immediately asked him what was wrong.

"There's...this person. I like them. A lot. Really, really a lot. I'm not sure weather they like me back or not. I keep getting all these mixed signals that I just cant decipher. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"You could tell her that you like her. I'm sure she'll be attracted to you too. After all, you are the most attractive boy in school. All the girls love you."

"Yeah, but most of the boys don-", Sirius blushed, realising his mistake. He had just told Remus that he was gay. Damn his loose tongue.

"The person you like...is a b-boy?", stuttered Remus, receiving an embarrassed nod for an answer. "Who?", Remus sounded angry.

"You don't hate me do you? I never figured you for a homophobe, Rem", Sirius sobbed.

"I could never hate you. Don't be so stupid. It's just. Just. I don't even know. Who is he?", Remus asked. His voice was getting stronger and was laced with jealousy. "No boy is good enough for you, Sirius. No one. Who the hell could be so great that you have to come for me for advice?"

"He's amazing, Rem. Better than amazing. He's...there hasn't been a word invented for what he is, yet, Remmie. I love him." Sirius explained. Sirius was glad that the common room was empty, otherwise the whole school would know his business by now.

"Tell me who he is, Sirius. Now. I want to know", growled Remus, baring his teeth and looking very wolfish.

"I can't. You'll hate me."

"Is it James? I bet it's James", at this Sirius shook his head. He would have laughed if he wasn't in the situation he was in.

"Peter? Oh Merlin. Tell me it isn't Peter. That's sick."

Again, Sirius shook his head.

"Is it someone I know?", Sirius hesitated before nodding his head. "Snape? John? Ryan? Andrew? Jesse? Chris?"

Sirius shook his head six times and Remus brow furrowed.

"Please. Just tell me. I need to know"

"Why? Why do you care who it is?" Sirius asked.

"Because I bloody well love you, you idiot!", Remus screamed, falling to the floor in a heap.

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**Better than the last chapter, in my opinion.**

**This one kind of came naturally to me.**

**Love it? Hate it? **

**Review!**

**I'm off to read some Bukowski. **

**Toodles.**

**Love.**

**x**


	5. Future

**The characters belong to JK Rowling. Darn her. If **_**I**_** owned them, this wouldn't be fanfiction.**

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"Repeat what you just said", demanded a flustered Sirius Black. He was sure his ears must be playing tricks on him.

"No". Remus was stubborn. Always had been, always will be.

"Please?"

Remus shook his head but with every word that Sirius spoke,dripping in hope and sadness, it was getting harder and harder to be his stubborn old self. He was sure he would not be able to hold out much longer. This was the thought that made him start tugging at his hair in distress.

"Did you say that you..." Sirius trailed off. Everything was starting to blur together. Colours whizzed past him. He'd never had motion sickness but he thought this must be what it's like.

"Love you? Yes", Remus sighed. Sirius was barely taking in the fact that he should be worried that Remus is pulling all his hair out.

_Just take deep breaths_, Sirius thought, _deep and slow and long. You no longer have a reason to freak out. He feels the same. He...he feels the same._

It hit him like a ton of bricks. His small, fragile, lycanthrope friend loved him back, and damn, did it feel good.

Sirius fell to the floor beside Remus and extracted small, scarred hands from light, feathery, tawny hair, keeping them in his own large ones. Slowly, Remus met Sirius' watering eyes. "I love you too", and that's all that was said. All that need to be said.

Their first kiss was light. Neither caring enough to press harder than necessary. That's not to say it wasn't passionate, of course.

When asked about how they got together years later they would both preach that some evil wizard somewhere had cast a spell on them that ripped their tear ducts and forced those salty droplets to leave their eyes. That they had no control over it, really, and that they are manly men, and manly men don't cry, even if they do fall for members of their own gender.

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**DONE! **

**I've been re-writing this and putting off posting this for a few days. I don't want it to end. Gah.**

**As I'm writing this little authors note the time is 12:19.It's the 19th July. First day of the summer holidays and Art attack is on the TV in the background and I'm listening to 'Good to Know that If I Ever Need Attention All I Have To Do Is Die' by Brand New.**

**Now, I know this is short, but it has to be. I decided. If I made it any longer I wouldn't want to keep stop this at any time and I would forever be writing it.**

**I love you guys.**

**You make me.**

**Love.**

**x**


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